He struts like a rooster around the pool
Thinking to himself that he looks real cool
He's sporting quite a middle-aged spread
There's hair everywhere except on his head
The way his little man breasts flop
Maybe it's time for him to buy a top
They call him Speedo Man
Speedo Man
Speedo Man
He's a walking, tanned digestive gland
Speedo Man

Well, you know, considering the shape he's in
He really shouldn't show off so much skin
And he wears it so low in the back
There's drug dealers walking around with less crack
Out in front, that's a no-brainer
It's a portable, expandable liquid malt container
For the Speedo Man
Speedo Man
Speedo Man
He's totally killed the sales at the hot dog stand

Speedo Man
Make way!
Speedo Man
Avert your eyes
If you can

When he sits down, there's nothing he can hide
Something always gets pushed out on one side
The way it's squeezed out of that bathing suit
It kind of looks like a little fuzzy kiwi fruit
Stay calm, people, don't panic
It's just a man in a banana hammock
Call him Speedo Man
Speedo Man
Speedo Man
When they created the brand
This was not what they planned
Speedo Man