Our list of the things you'll never hear your wife say starting with number ten:
- You have all the bed covers I'll be fine
Things you'll never hear your wife say, number nine:
- Every time you tell that joke it gets better
Things you never hear your wife say, number eight:
- That beer belly makes you look distinguished
Things you'll never hear your wife say, number seven:
- Oh my gosh, we're running low on duct tape
Things you'll never ever hear your wife say, number six:
- Get a whiff of that one
Things you'll never ever hear your wife say, number five:
- Don't get up
Things you never hear your wife say, number four:
- My parents are coming over tonight. Why don't you go out drinking with your buddies?
Things you never hear your wife say, number three:
- My goodness, that's a beautiful scrotum. I thought we needed a lava lamp, but no ... stand there, by the light
Things you'll never ever hear wife say, number two:
- Flick through all the TV channels again - I find it so soothing
Finally our list of the things you will never ever hear your wife say, this is number one:
- I'm sorry. You're right

Some of you married guys are seeing your lives pass before your eyes, there.
But we can't leave it there. Can we we've got to balance the books. Even up the score.
Level the playing field. Do something for the married ladies.
Do we have any married ladies here tonight? (cheers) You always sound so happy.
Oh, yeah. Because they're out