We praise the colorectal surgeon,
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine.

Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world,
Others just spread cheeks

Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows
He'll get you in the end.

Why be a colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?

When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, "Hey, it's nice to meet you
But do you mind if we don't shake hands?"

He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
But he never thought of psychology
When he read passages.

A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play,
But this is not quite what he meant
By eighteen holes a day.

Respect the colorectal surgeon
Here and now, we'll raise a glass
For the rectal surgeon, like the rectum,
Can tell a liquid from a gas.

We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine.