The songs we sing at Christmas have a western emphasis,
but to be more authentic, they should really sound like this.

Christmas in the Middle East, Christmas in the Middle East.
Don't forget to give your tour guide some backsheesh

Welcome
This is where you're liable
To see things from the Bible.
So don't be a stranger'
Come and see the manger
From Eliat to Galilee
This is a theme park for God

Welcome, have a nice falafel
And after, you'll feel awful
Running for the toilet
But our version of the toilet
Is just a hole in the ground.
That's why we call this the Holy Land.

There's no snow or rain here, it doesn't even rain here.
No Santa Claus in red, there's just a fat guy named Achmed.

Welcome, you'll come home bedraggled
Because you can't Christmas shop here
You'll have to Christmas haggle
And in your souvenir picture,
You won't be on Santa's knee
You'll be floating in the Dead Sea.

Welcome
Meet my cousin Samuel
He'll rent you a Camuel.
Just look at you now boy
You're like a Jewish cowboy.
You'll have to learn to say
Not just Yippee, but Yippee-oy-vey

Christmas cards show the shepherds
As they are all watching their flocks by Starlight.
But in Israel now there are soldiers
Watching their checkpoints by night
In the Middle East.
We had war and peace
We even had Warren Christopher.
Come to the Gaza Strip
It's worth the trip.
You can dance with a Gaza Stripper
Christmas in the Middle East.