When Canadians seek culture of which they can partake
Do they flock to Stratford or Niagara on the lake?
Well, that's okay, I guess, for the privileged few
But as for average Canadians, I'll tell you what they do ...

Tuesday night is wing night
It's hard to get a seat
For that part of the chicken
That no one used to eat
Wednesday night is ladies night
The girls drink free till 10
They keep the guys penned up behind a rope till then

Thursday's Karaoke night
It's high technology
You'll hear drunken customers
Sing "My Way" way off key
Friday is lambada the night
Which I do endorse
Some call it dance, I call it 'sexual intercourse.'

Saturday's Wet T-shirt night,
Bodies young and pert
If you win first prize you get
A dry t-shirt
Sunday night is bungee night
A bouncer's nightmare
Because on bungee night, there's bouncers everywhere

Monday is a special night, it's the night they call
Dwarf-tossing, giant screen, tractor-pulling, mud-wrestling
Chippendale, Yuk Yuks, Velcro-diving, two-for-one
Bum Darts night!