Ladies and gentlemen, I'm from Ottawa, the nation's capital.
What am I saying? The nation has no capital.
Senator Dustballs!

When every bone seems to audibly grown
As you rise from a sitting position,
And the numbers you keep in your little black book
Are not girlfriends, they're all physicians.

When you're deeply suspicious of cellular phones
Because you feel they're a new form of voodoo,
And when you go to a funeral, the guy in the casket
Seems to look better than you do.

When everything new is suspicious to you
And whatever it is, you're agin it
Well, these are exactly the qualifications
You need for a job in the Senate.

We are Canada's senators. We have made our mark.
Here there are more dinosaurs than in Jurassic Park.

We're the old farts, the old farts
We drool and we doze.
We were all born in the year of
Our Lord only knows.

We're ready to fight till our last breath.
We'll vanquish our enemies. We'll bore them to death!
To old to be swayed, too rich to be bought.
We're the house of sober second thought.

We've been here since time immemorial.
We've seen every government trick
And we're experienced in matters senatorial.
When we were young, the Dead Sea was only sick.

We're the old farts, the old farts, we wear the old school tie.
Sometimes I still chase women, but I can't remember why.
Hear us all talk at once, hear our dentures clack.
We can't get the push, we can't get the sack.
We can't tell an orgasm from a heart attack.
Too old to be swayed, too rich to be bought.
We're the house of sober second thought.