English Is Better Than French

At the Comedy Nest
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English Is Better Than French
I've traveled the world over
And there's one thing I know.
Everyone speaks English
Everywhere I go.
It's wonderfully practical, this language of mine.
So if you speak English, we'll get along just fine.
Because ...

English is better than French.
I say this with pride.
More people speak English than speak French worldwide.
There's foreign words in English.
It's perfectly okay.
Like kayak, boomerang, stampede, and lingerie.
(A personal favorite of mine.)

You'll struggle to master French
You'll sweat and you will strive.
But by the time you've said mille-neuf-cent quatre-vingt-quatorze,
it's bloody 1995.

I watched a hockey game en Français
With the Quebec Nordiques.
They referred to a power play as an "avantage numerique"
Now I thought French was lyrical
But this phrase is pathetic.
Here the English version is so much more poetic.

- You don't understand. You see, with the Canadiens, it's a power play.
But with the Nordiques, it's just an 'avantage numerique.'

The French word for 'vagina'
Should not be masculine
Unless you're on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine
You don't have to enunciate
For the sake of English ears,
Gordon Lightfoot hasn't moved his mouth in over thirty years.

(indistinctly) 'The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
of the big lake they call 'Gitchee Gumee'

English is better than French.
There's nothing you can do.
It will gobble everybody up, Celine Dion and Mitsou.
If it was good enough for God
It should be good enough for you!
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