English Is Better Than French

At the Comedy Nest
Preview: 0:00 / 0:00 | Original: 2:29
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English Is Better Than French
I've traveled the world over and there's one thing I know.
Everyone speaks English everywhere I go.
It's wonderfully practical, this language of mine.
So if you speak English, we'll get along just fine.
Because English is better than French.
I say this with pride. More people speak English than speak French worldwide.
There's foreign words in English. It's perfectly okay.
Like kayak, boomerang, stampede, and lingerie.
A personal favorite of mine.
You'll struggle. To master French, you'll sweat and you will strive.
But by the time you've said mille-neuf-cent quatre-vingues-quatorce,
it's bloody 1995.
I watched a hockey game in français with the Quebec Nordiques.
They referred to a power play as an avant-tage numerique.
Now I thought French was lyrical, but this phrase is pathetic.
Here the English version is so much more poetic.
You don't understand, you see. With the Canadien, it's a power play.
But with the Nordiques, it's just an avant-tage numerique.
Well, you don't have to enunciate. For the sake of English ears,
Gordon Lightfoot hasn't moved his mouth in over thirty years.
The legend comes down to the throne, down to the land, it'll get you in.
English is better than French. There's nothing you can do.
It will gobble everybody up, Celine Dion and Mitsu.
If it was good enough for God, it should be good enough for you.
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