You Should Speak French

Humor for Boomers
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You Should Speak French
The most important thing is to have a baguette.
You know why French waiters always have a baguette?
Would Madam care for anything else?
It's a wonderful thing.
In English you look so tense, you should learn to speak French
sitting here at my café.
You always look so uptight but I can show you tonight
what it means hip hip beret.
Your English mouth is going down and if you wear a constant frown
and when you speak it always comes out clipped.
But your face will be unclenched when you start speaking French
and you finally can move your lips.
You should speak French
when your face will look like this
when you speak French
you can't help it, you make a kiss.
French has always been the language of old cuisine
we sautee but in English
A bowl of food is not a stew
it's a bouillabaisse, oreille, ragout
and we flambeille but in English
we soufflé, you are stuffed
we étouffé, you get stuffed
for food the English language fails
Escargot, you must say qu'il
is a fine delicacy
but who would ever order snails
you should speak French
you will have the potato foie gras
if you speak French
you might even have the fromage à trois
we English are cold fishes
to us foreplay is washing dishes
we're so full of shame and guilt
when an Englishman makes love
it's because they close the pub
we can't help it, it's the way we're built
so teach me how to live
how to know what of it
and maybe even wear buffalo jeans
teach me how to dress
with a lan and finesse
and teach me what ou la la means
I want to speak French
je vais vous demander encore une fois
c'est something in French
ok, come on
voulez-vous coucher avec moi
ne touchez pas ma baguette
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