Baby, there'll be no babies with me
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
It ain't much to you, but baby you see
- Uh-huh, it's a vasectomy

Throw away those pills - they're needless
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
My grapes are seedless
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
I can understand, your feelings are mixed
- When I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
But I hate it when you say to your friends
"He's so much happier since he was fixed."
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
You're gonna find it's unbelievable
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
When we make love it's inconceivable
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy

I can see the guys go white as sheets
And tightly squeeze their knees
They seem to think 'vasectomy' is Greek for
"You won't be needing these."
You won't be needing, you won't be needing
You won't be needing ... these!

Oh yeah, I don't want to try to impress you
With a red shiny car
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
But I do want to show you
My little red tiny scar
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
I feel like a Christmas tree
Since I had my operation
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy
Because on a Christmas tree
The balls are just for decoration
- I'm talkin' about my vasectomy