You don't have to be a prof
Or a master of arts
Anyone is smart enough
To play a game of Bum Darts

Grip a quarter with your butt
This is how the fun starts
Then you drop it in the cup
Now you're playing Bum Darts

Careful on your first approach,
Pay attention to the coach
Clutch the coin tightly with your crease
Hold on to that quarter tight
Till you feel the time is right
Soon will come the moment of release

A double, yeah! That's right ... one! Two! It can be done
Now ladies and gentlemen, to demonstrate to all of you here that there's absolutely no trickery.
I'd like to invite someone to come up on stage and play a little round of bum darts
And if you succeed, you'll win this wonderful trophy to take home with you
Engraved with the words, Bowser and Blue, Bum Darts Champion, May 29th, 1999
It's a unique opportunity, who wants to have a go?
Here's the prize, where's the contestant?
You want to step up, sir? Come on, this is your opportunity
That's right, and we want you to win
How are you, what is your name?
Joe
Joe is going to play with us, Joe, here's your dart
If I could just .. I know - you were expecting a toonie
Yeah!
We were losing money at this. And that was just in rehearsal
So now, if I could just explain to the audience what Joe is going to do:
With only using the larger muscles of the upper leg (Notice how tastefully I expressed that)
Joe is going to walk forwards and release the dart into the cup where it will remain.
Now, Joe, you must load the dart and then, without using the hands, you must release it.
If you use the hands, you will be disqualified.
Load them up, Joe.
Here comes Joe ...
All the best of luck to you, Joe
Bum Darts, here it comes
Joe, shall we let him try again?
I tell you, that was looking good
And what he in fact achieved, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, was the rim
The edge to the rim
You know, you couldn't do that if you tried, Joe
So, all the best to you. One more chance for Joe
Joe, we're all with you!
The very best of luck to you, here
He scored!
Joe, it's yours
Thank you for playing with us
Enjoy

Bum Darts is catching on
From Manhattan to Hong Kong
It's a language that everybody speaks
Any time or any place
It's got style, it's got grace
And with Bum Darts, you'll have firmer cheeks

I'm going to go for three, Rick. I feel lucky
That'll be a record, it would be a record
But here on the 20th anniversary of our working together in this wonderful town, I think
I think maybe if I can locate the Sartorius, the Bicep, the Gluteus Minimus, and the Sphinctus Proximus, I think
I think I can do it, here we go

Bum Darts