When a Man Turns Fifty

Humor for Boomers
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When a Man Turns Fifty
Yes, turning 50 is a very important time in a man's life.
It's a time when you walk past a mirror and say: "hi, Dad. Oh, it's me."
It's a time when you find out that stress is hereditary. You get it from your children.
Or maybe your kids are moving out ... but your mother is moving back in.
It's a time when the guys are saying stupid stuff like:
"I'm not as good as I once was - but I'm as good once as I was."
Which is just as well, because the only time you feel like doing it twice
... is before you've done it once.

When a man turns 50, he can get the blues
Just from bending down to tie his shoes.
He's thinking, oh dear, oh dear
Is there anything else that I should get while
I'm down here?

People must be mumbling. He can't hear a word.
His eyesight is perfect. His friends must be blurred.
He still plays hockey. He still plays to win.
But contact hockey means you keep your lenses in.

Middle age is what they call it.
He's no longer indestructible.
The bulge in his pants is his wallet.
Everything he does is deductible.

Are you okay?
- Just give me a minute, okay?
I don't think you have that long.

When a man turns 50, he still goes with the flow.
But it's hard to go with the flow, but the flow won't go.
He still chases women, but he doesn't stand a chance.
These days, he has a hard time just getting into his own pants.

Thirty years of hard work.
What does it all add up to?
In the latest edition of Who's Who
He's still listed under: "who?"

When a man turns 50, when a man turns 50,
He don't need rock and roll, he don't need rap.
What he really needs, what he really needs,
All he really needs is a nap.
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