The Waiter Dance

I've been here since '82. Nothing I would rather do
I am never gonna quit, because I like doing it.
I will go on willingly, though my feet are killing me.

In conversation at a party quite a foxy lady asked me
What do you do?
So I answered eagerly, I told her: "I'm a waiter,"
And the woman said: "Ew!"
But then I went on to add the magic words: "At Schwartz's!"
The woman went: "Ooo!"

Seat, clear, wipe, set, educate.
Speak, hear, write, fetch, set a plate.
Don't stop, don't drop, navigate.
Cut, stack, bring back, circulate.
This way, that way, other way,
Just like any other day.

Protestants and Catholics, Atheists and heretics,
Folks of different races here sit and stuff their faces here.
Hebrew or an Aryan, but not a vegetarian.

Waiter! Bring me something sweet;
Is there some dessert to eat, what do you make?
Yes, we have dessert for you -
And in fact there's even two that we can bake.
Smoked meat pie, or the ever popular smoked meat cake! As if!

No need here to agonize, the menu we have memorized.
Smoked meat and some other things - we just call them trimmings.
I make sure I never trip, you make sure you leave a tip

Is everything all right here? Other than the service?
Yeah!
words and music by Rick Blue and George Bowser