We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave

When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
Others just spread cheeks

Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows
He'll get you in the end

Why be a colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things
Is it because in that profession
There are always opening?

When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said: "hey, it's nice to meet you
But do you mind if we don't shake hands?"

He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
But he never thought of psychology
Though he read 'Passages.'

A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play
But this is not quite what he meant
By 18 holes a day

We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine