IF ONLY YOU COULD SPEAK SOME YIDDISH
AND A LITTLE BIT HEBREW
WITH A LITTLE EFFORT, AND A LITTLE LUCK
YOU WOULDN'T BE A SCHMUCK LIKE YOU
WHEN YOU SPEAK YIDDISH THERE`S ALWAYS A WAY
TO SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN
YOU CAN BE PRECISE, YOU DON`T HAVE TO BE NICE
BUT YOU NEVER NEED TO BE OBSCENE

THERE'S A TEDIOUS GUY IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD
I TRY TO AVOID HIM BUT IT DOES NO GOOD
I CAN'T GET AWAY BUT I WISH I COULD
- I KNOW HIM. HE'S A NOODGE!

WHEN EVEN THOUGH I'VE GOT NO PEP
STILL HAVE TO GO OUT TO THE DEP
AND THROUGH DEEP SNOW I HAVE TO STEP
FACE IT, YOU'RE A SHLEP!

IF ONLY YOU WOULD LEARN SOME YIDDISH
ANY LITTLE THING AT ALL
WE COULD MAKE A HOO HA, PEOPLE WOULD GO OO LA
WE COULD HAVE A MATZO BALL

THERE'S A WOMAN WHO SAYS SHE'LL CALL ME TOMORROW
SHE'S RAISING FUNDS AND I CAN'T IGNORE HER
IT COST ME A C-NOTE LAST TIME I SAW HER
- A-HA. SHE'S A SHNORRER

LET'S SAY I'M SHARING A COUPLE OF BREWS
WITH SOMEONE WHOSE CONNECTIONS I'D LIKE TO USE
WHEN I'D RATHER BE HOME WATCHING THE NEWS
- IT'S A VERB. TO SCHMOOZE
 IF YOU ONLY HAD A LITTLE YIDDISH
IN YOUR LITTLE GOYSHE KOP
ALL THE OTHER GOYIM, HOW YOU COULD ANNOY EM
I CAN TELL YOU THEY WOULD PLOTZ

WHATEVER THAT MEANS
LET'S LEARN A FEW BASIC WORDS, TRY 'CHUTZPAH'
CHUTZPAH
WHEN YOU SAY THE 'CH' SOUND, I WANNA HEAR PHLEGM HITTING THE FLOOR! TRY IT AGAIN!
CHUTZPAH!
MAZEL TOV. TRY 'SHNOOK'
CHINOOK? ISN'T THAT A HOT WIND FROM ALBERTA?
NO, THAT'S RALPH KLEIN
AND HE'S NOT A SHNOOK?
BOTH: AAAH!

NOW THAT I AM THINKING YIDDISH
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK INTO A SPA
LOOK AT MY BELLY, WHEN I THINK OF DELHI
IT'S NOT A PLACE IN INDIA

SHNOOK PUTZ
SCHMUCK SCHLEMIEL
SHNOOK PUTZ
SCHMUCK SCHLEMIEL
SHNOOK PUTZ
SCHMUCK SCHLEMAZEL
KLUTZ!