My partner, George, has two things in common with Prince Charles. Firstly, he
was born in England. Secondly he's not bonking Diana either.

It's still a rotten year, what with one thing and another
And now they're getting income tax out of dear old mother
But mother's picture's on the money, so it makes no sense to me
She's the only person I know who uses money as ID

Poor old Fergie she couldn't get it through her skull
You see, life for lady royals is supposed to be quite dull
There's nothing much to learn from the cradle to the grave
Except how to cut a ribbon and the proper way to wave

Pearls, two, three; wave, two, three. Pearls, two, three; wave, two, three.
Pearls, two, three; Wave ...
- Yes I think we've got it now!

The situation's awful - now I'm sleeping solo
The only swinging I do is when I'm playing polo
Ah - Camilla's trousers! I'd love to play in there
I'm used to large draughty places in a state of disrepair

When we visited Australia on the Royal yacht
They said: "There's the Royal twit - and there's the Royal twat."
or something like that ...
And then a shot rang out - and my thought number one
Was - "oh my god, don't tell me Diana's got a gun!"

They said on the telephone my speech was far too free
I've jeopardized my chances of being King Charles number three
They've postponed the coronation. Such rotten luck.
Meanwhile: for a hot conversation dial 1-900-Chuck

Di and I have much in common I think you will agree,
After all, I don't like her - and she doesn't like me
We've split up, but we're still married - it's a trial separation
In Quebec you'd probably call it 'sovereignty association'