In Shakespeare's time, a codpiece was an item of renown
Nobles wore them, even workmen, on the job.
When they dug up Herculaneum, there were phalli everywhere
And in Pompeii, it was chic to show your knob.

But now 'phallic symbol' is a derogatory term
And the willy has gone into decline.
And while only lowbrow comics snigger at the trouser worm
I'll be damned if I shall be ashamed of mine.

I've got a great big dick, I've got a great big dick.
I've got a great big dick, I've got a great big dick.
It's seven inches long and fourteen inches thick
My great big, great big, great big dick.

- Thinks he's the energizer bunny.

I call it Rubik, yes Rubik is its name
The more you play with it, the harder it appears.
And to be really honest, it's just like that awful game
In that nobody has played with it for years.

And unless a sudden stimulus makes it harden
It's just a tiny, harmless household pet.
But as Adam said to Eve years ago in the garden
"Stand back, we don't know how big this thing'll get."

I've got a great big dick, I've got a great big dick.
Actually, I've got three.
- Well, two that we can see.
A great big, great big, great big dick.