One very hot day in the summer last year
A woman was walking through Guelph.
She saw bare-chested men enjoying the sun
And said: "I think I'll do that myself."

So she paused in her stroll to take off her top
And then, much to her disgust
A passing policeman told her to stop
And said: "young woman, this is a bust."

Now why are we busting the breast?
This question must be addressed.
Why make an issue of mammary tissue
And why are we busting the breast?

Then hundreds of women all took up her cause
They heard she was going to court.
They said, this is a fight for topless rights
And she's going to need our support.

So they marched in protest, all bearing their breasts
And saying: "the law is an ass!"
Enduring the cries of hundreds of guys
Who descended with cameras en masse
saying:

"Why are we busting the breast?
This question must be addressed.
Why make an issue of mammary tissue
And why are we busting the breast?"

The judge concerned, said: "what must be learned
And what this court must decide,
Is how much of the body, no matter which gender
Society, requires us to hide.

This may seem frivolous at first sight
But in fact, it's a serious charge
Because men, in fact, also have breasts
And in some cases, they're quite large.

So why are we busting the breast?
This question must be addressed.
Why make an issue of mammary tissue
And why are we busting the breast?"

And then the judge handed down a ruling and it sounded something like this.

"It's the law, not the breast, which must be redressed
Which led to this woman's wrongful arrest
And started her off on a legal quest
To prove that she had been oppressed
By a law which simply had not progressed
Because it's no crime to bear your breast."

Oh, why are we busting the breast?
As a mammal, I don't understand
If there's one part of the body that does only good.
It's the mammary gland.

We often compare ourselves with the U.S.
And often they come out the best
But they only have the right to bear arms
And we have the right to bear breasts.

I'm glad they weren't convicted
Because that would have been a bummer.
I'm glad the justice triumphed
And I'm especially glad in the summer.

We're no longer busting the breast.
I'm glad we got that off our chest.
Why make an issue of mammary tissue?
We're no longer busting the breast.