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The Gunshine State

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The Gunshine State
This time of the year is when a young man's fancy turns to Florida.
I used to go there for a few winters, but I've stopped.
I guess it was that last tourist attack that I saw on TV,
and the policeman was standing there, and he said,
well, I guess he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I thought, yeah, Florida on vacation.
But this is the way it used to be.
I like to go away on a Florida holiday,
where the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine the states.
The muggers salivate when they see my rental plates,
and the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine the states.
They know we're Canadians just by the things we say.
I don't know how they do it, like it's amazing, eh?
They mug us because they know that we will never go to courts,
or come back to Florida without the police escorts.
We don't carry guns because we know people get hurt.
Bearing arms in Canada means taking off your shirt.
Our idea of violence is usually no more
than trying to seat five at a table meant for four.
I'm afraid my sunscreen won't stop an M16,
where the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine states.
They'll know where I'm from when I put my speedo on,
where the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine states.
Lifeguards keep us covered, sunbathing by the shore.
Bodyguards keep us covered at the convenience store.
Feel the excitement from Key West to Jacksonville.
If a hurricane don't get you, a mugger probably will.
This time the newspapers won't make fun of us,
like they did last year, and it caused so much fuss.
Cause now when I'm photographed, I will look my best,
my Big Baden hidden behind a bulletproof vest.
Insurance that is best covers combat stress,
where the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine states.
I'll be quite the charmer in my body armor,
where the gun shine and the sun shine,
and the gun shine states.
Thank you.
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