I grabbed my cigarette pack this morning, read the government health warning that says
if I smoke I'll never get old.
Well, it's true that cigarettes can kill, but it's not the smoke that makes me ill,
it's having two smokes standing outside in the cold.
Avoid inhalings at the government, I wonder what the hell that meant, I find that logic
kind of hard to follow, it's like if you got a bottle of Johnny Walker red and the label
on the bottle said you can drink all this whiskey but don't swallow.
I told my dentist my teeth were yellow, he says, well young fellow go out and buy a brown tie.
So then I laughed, then I coughed, then he said, you should stop, said I would but coughing
is my only form of exercise.
I'm still a smoker I confess, I'm still a smoker, ain't coming in, smell my breath,
you help nuts get off my case, I blow my smoke right in your face, so go on out and jog yourself to death.
Hey, you know smoking is bad for the health, I even admit that to myself, like I'm not
here to tell you that it's alright, but just the other day I almost died, I almost burst
a blood vessel when I tried to get a decent drag of financial rights, it's time you people
learn the facts, we smokers pay a lot more tax and then to find somewhere to smoke is
really tough, but what bugs me about non-smokers is these are the same jokers who come up jet
parties and say, can I have a puff and non-smokers make me grind my molars, what a bunch of holy
rollers, make it out like I'm not as good as them, well I'll tell you something folks,
true non-smokers cough and splutter too and you shouldn't judge a person by the color of their
phlegm, gross, thank you, I was smoking a dinner the other day when this lady turns to me to say,
oh that's really sad you must be hooked, she has the nerve to ask me next, do you smoke after sex,
I said I don't know, I never looked, I'm still a smoker I can best, I'm still a smoker you'll come here and smell my breath, you help me get off my case, I blow my smoke right in your face, now go on out and jog yourself to death, yeah
ah
anybody got a cracker
yeah
yeah