I've always been a hockey fan. I've collected tons of things,
Like original six sweaters and Stanley Cup rings.
I've got some real prize items, and some that make me laugh.
I've got a Guy Lafleur helmet.
- That's impossible!
And Eddie Shack's autograph.
- That's also impossible!
But now all I want is the Ultimate Souvenir
I want the stick that McSorley used, to clobber Don Brashear

I want that stick. I really want that stick.
If I could get a hold of that, now that would be a trick.
Maybe it sounds weird to you and maybe it's just sick
But I really, really want that stick.

I had a word with the Canucks and I had a word with the Bruins.
It's no use to McSorley now, because his career's in ruins
I've spoken to the linesman. I had a word with the ref.
I would have spoken to Brashear but apparently he's gone deaf.
It would look so nice next to that piece of Holyfield's ear.
I want the stick that McSorley used to clobber Don Brashear

I want that stick. I really want that stick.
He's probably holding onto it himself, the rotten prick
Maybe it sounds weird to you and probably it's sick
But I really, really want that stick.

Now look, some want the impossible, and I say: "lots of luck."
They want a Gordy Howe elbow pad or that Henderson puck
But it's amazing what people give you, if you'll just say: "please."
You know, a friend of mine actually says he's got one of Bobby Orr's knees
And some want almost anything that's signed by 99
But I'm looking for the hockey stick that Gretzky didn't sign

I want that stick. I really want that stick.
If I could get a hold of it, now that would be a trick.
Oh I know you think I'm weird. You probably think I'm sick
But I really, I really want that stick.

There's a rumor going around - I don't know if it's true
They say that Don Brashear is keeping an eye out for it too
And when he finds it he'll treasure it, because he's got a lot of class
And then he'll meet McSorley and he'll tell him to shove it ... under glass

... For safe-keeping!
I know what you were thinking but that would decrease its value. But till then ...

I want that stick. I really want that stick.
If I could get a hold of it, now that would be a trick
Now, maybe it sounds weird to you and maybe it's just sick
But I really really, really want that stick.