Tough Crowd #2
Well, you know, you gotta be tough to live in Quebec these days.
In fact, you gotta be tough to live anywhere in Canada, don't you?
That's right. You do, guys.
But we can do it because we are tough.
We Canadians are tough.
We're gonna get through this.
We're gonna get through this because
we're a tough crowd.
Our snowboarders excel.
They are sponsored by Roots
and Twigs and Seeds as well.
We got world-class comedians
who get paid enormous fees.
I don't mean Jim Carrey.
I mean RMPs.
Alright, now what?
This is the Sharon Lowe's brand part of the song.
So I want everybody to sing along now, okay?
We're very, very tough.
Everybody, we're tough.
We're very, very tough.
Oh, yes, you gotta be tough
all across this great country of ours,
starting in the heartland of Canada,
A place to stand.
A place to grow.
Oh, you know that too.
Yours to uncover.
It's true, although things aren't easy here.
With all the cutbacks they've had,
I hear there's cutbacks in health care now.
They're saying there's cutbacks
and there's going to be user fees.
And they call them user fees
because users are going to pay for it.
It's a form of Mike Harrisman
that's going on here in Ontario
and they're having troubles in...
Whoa, thank you.
And cutting back in education
that's got to the point now we're in Ontario,
they're going to have to have driver's ed
and sex ed in the same car.
Imagine, it's a terrible thing
and it's all because of what's going on in Ottawa.
Where they're having cutbacks
because of balancing the budget they're saying
up there in the nation's capital.
I don't know why they call it that.
It has no capital.
The nation has no capital.
We're in debt.
That's right, we're in debt.
It's a financial crisis.
The Ottawa River only runs three days a week, man.
It's a terrible thing.
When the Queen comes to visit,
she only gets a 19 gun salute.
There's cutbacks everywhere.
And it's, Paul Martin is doing his best.
Paul Martin says, my initials are PM,
so what, so are Preston Manning's.
We know that, but there's cutbacks
and he's trying to, he says he's eliminated the deficit.
He's the sort of general accountant of Canada
and I know about accountants.
There's only three kinds of accountant.
Those who can add and those who can't.
And Paul Martin, he says, I've eliminated the deficit.
I don't believe a word of it.
I think it's just one of them accounting tricks.
He's probably put it in his wife's name.
That's what you do when you're an accountant.
You fiddle out ways to do it.
And that's what they're doing there.
And they're passing the problems right down to Toronto,
your neighbor, Toronto, the financial heart of this nation.
Toronto, where a mixed marriage is a man and a woman.
Toronto, where a Maple Leaf game is like a Billy Graham rally.
Every two minutes, the crowd goes, Jesus Christ.
Toronto, Toronto, Toronto.
You know what I mean, Toronto.
Toronto, it comes from an Indian word that means
where the river narrows.
Or I guess now they would have said where the banks merge.
It's the same thing.
You see, the Indians, they knew what was going on
way back then.
The Abenaki and of course the Quebec Indians.
The Abenaki who are terrifying to the Quebec provincial police.
They're terrified of the Indians in Quebec.
And that's why they won't allow Viagra on the reservations
because they're afraid there'll be an uprising.
And who knows, it could happen.
Of course it wouldn't happen to my partner Ricky there.
He was recently arrested for assault with a dead weapon.
I shouldn't make fun.
I'm in the same sex marriage myself.
I am in the same sex.
When we have sex, it's always the same.
I don't, same sex, you see.
And I said, come on, let's do something different.
Let's do something different.
She says, I know what you want.
You guys are all the same.
Not going to happen.
It's absolutely no fun.
If it was, they'd call it a blow holiday, wouldn't they?
I mean, just, just, that's the way, you've got to be tough.
I hear women applauding.
You've got to be tough in this country
all the way across this great country
You know how it is in Saskatchewan.
Very often neglected.
Saskatchewan where being flat is where it's at.
Saskatchewan where there are a lot of small communities,
In fact, they're so small.
Some of them that if there's a two car accident, you're in it.
And where, where they suffer from ethical dilemmas
such as if two people from Swift Current get divorced.
Are they still cousins?
This is the question they're asking.
They're asking themselves this question
while they come up with technological innovations
such as turning sewage into snow.
An amazing step forward for the tourist industry
designed to bring skiers to Saskatchewan, downhill skiers,
mounds of sewage turned into snow.
And you can't tell the difference.
They put up a sign that says,
if you've got the skis, we've got the runs.
Come to Saskatchewan.
People are flocking out there
and then they keep on going to,
to further out west to, to Alberta.
Alberta where, where the Preston Manning
and the Deform Party are
where it's their heartland
and they recently formed a hockey team
which is not doing well.
They're just going round in circles.
Well, why wouldn't they?
Every single one of them is a right winger.
So they're all going round in, in Toronto
that deepen their own in.
But if you go out to, to British Columbia, B.C.
where they, the home smoked salmon in B.C.
Well, they'll smoke anything in B.C.
And why not?
In B.C. we're, we're the home of Russ Rebliatti
the most successful, most Canadian,
most notable Canadian Olympic gold medalist
since, since Ben Johnson.
And, and if you're not sure which is which
I was stuck there for a minute.
Just remember Ben Johnson
was a Jamaican with a little Canadian in him.
Whereas Ross is a Canadian with a little Jamaican.
But let's just,
what about our, our home province of Quebec?
Le Québec du Québec.
Québec where we, you know, we had high hopes
when Jean Charest came, we thought that things would change.
And they actually said that the tide has turned.
They said the tide has turned in Quebec.
We believed it because in Quebec
the political BS is so deep it actually has a tide.
It's, it's remarkable.
And sometimes it really makes no difference which way you're going.
You're still up to here in it.
It's, it's a terrible thing.
And what we really have to worry about in Quebec is taxes, taxes.
Honestly, you go to buy a pitcher of beer in a tavern
it says five dollars and the waiter wants eight bucks.
He says, it says five dollars on the wall.
He says, I know it's five dollar for the beer,
one dollar for GST, one dollar for PST
and one dollar for me ST.
That's why it costs eight bucks to appear in Quebec.
And of course in the maritime it's not easy for them
either far out there where they've had
the terrible weather they've had there
as a result of a strange weather system known as El Nufo
which has completely disrupted everything.
The only, the only fishery left now
is the unemployment beneficiary in El Nufo.
El Nufo and land is a terrible thing
and they're worried about health care too
as we all are as the population ages
and we look to the future and we're all getting older.
I mean I get out of breath just jogging my memory these days.
It's a terrible thing getting older
and we're looking at a health care system
that's really a bit like a hospital gown ma'am.
You only think you're covered.
You've got to be tough.
We're tough, we're tough, we're very, very tough.
We're tough, we're tough, we're very, very tough.
Merci du fondement car.
Thank you for the heart of my welcoming.