How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer, my friend, is it only takes one,
But the light bulb has to really want to change.
So, you're fine, how am I?
Tell me about your dreams
Tell me about your mother.

How many surrealists does he take to change a light bulb, man?
How many followers of Salvador Dali does it take?
The answer is nine. One to hold a giraffe, and eight to throw brightly colored objects into the bathtub.
No, man, the answer is "a fish."
You got the time? My watch has melted, man.
That's a nice lobster you're wearing.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
My goodness, how many meditating yogis does it take?
The answer is two. One to change the bulb, and one to not change the bulb.
Okay, you put your left foot in your right ear and your right foot in your left ear and you say, 'Om'

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
How many thespians does it take?
The answer is nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to say: "I could have done that
And I would have paid so much more attention to the subtext."

Do you know the difference between a New York actor and a Los Angeles actor? No.
A New York actor can hold five plates at a time.