Ladies and gentlemen, you know all across this great country of ours, in every city, town and village, there's a Holiday Inn. And in every Holiday Inn, there's a lounge. And in every lounge, in every Holiday Inn, in every city, town and village, across this great country of ours, there's a guy like me.
Gary Gonad, hot to trot, on the make, singing a song like this.

What's your sign? Are we compatible?
Could tonight be extra ecstatical?
I'm drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

What's your sign? Should I come over?
We could have a little scotch and sofa
I'm drawn to you, won't you tell me your name?

And like a moth to a flame, I'm burning with a white-hot desire.
Oh, can I buy you a drink? Is this seat taken?
Do you come here often? How do you like me so far?
Baby, what's your sign?

What's your sign? Don't get up tight now
If I'm not Mr. Right, I'm Mr. "Right Now"
I'm drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

Hi, honey. You know, I'm always irresistibly attracted to the most beautiful girl in the room
... so I'll just keep moving along here till I find her.
Oh, listen, I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to take me for granted, but you know, I am drawn to you. I'm drawn to you like Pete Rose to a bookie.
You know, I bought a Pete Rose baseball card the other day. I scratched it and won 150 bucks.
Listen, I'm drawn to you like a Newfoundland priest to an altar boy.
Oh, are you getting moist? I am. Listen, I just want to show you what it is you've been faking all these years. You'll find me a revelation.
Maybe you've been saving yourself for Satan. You hate me, right? But that's okay. Hatred is an emotion. I can build on that. All I need is a little cooperation.
You know what cooperation is? When it flops out, four hands put it back in.
Ooh, did I say that? You're a Taurus, right? Of course, being a female, you'd be a cli Taurus.
Maybe we need a little foreplay here, yeah. Like Italian foreplay. "Hey, bitch."
And there's Jewish foreplay - four hours of begging.
And of course, wasp foreplay: "Honey, I've done the dishes."
But for us, we're going to go see one of those hot new videos,
like Three Men and a Barbie, like "Anal Tongue Fun,
like "Yank My Doodle, It's A Dandy."
One for you, "Romancing The Bone.
Yeah, because I don't want to brag, but this is the home of the whopper.
The fly, be afraid, be very afraid.
Actually, I call it Rubik because the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I should call it Rubik because nobody's played with it in years.
You ever dance with a devil and the pale moonlight kid?
Listen, I'm the guy at the nudist colony who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.
And I just want a girl who can eat that last donut.
And you, babe, I can tell you're a Virgo, right?
And I don't want your cherry, I just want the box it came in.
Whoops, did I say that? Listen, don't get mad.
Okay, get mad. You're beautiful when you're mad. You don't look so stupid.
Listen, I'm interested in safe sex,
but to me, safe sex is getting out of your place before your boyfriend gets home.
Hey, what's this over here? Three guys and a girl, a computer date?
The nylons, ladies and gentlemen, the nylons.
I don't know what you're laughing at, sir. They found Liberace's wallet and your picture was in it.
He's got a nice mouth, Clem. You're going to do some praying, boy.
And this guy over here thinks an orgy is using both hands.
It's okay, sir. It's nice to see one of Jerry's kids doing so well.
And I can read your mind. I know what you're thinking. Shut up and sing, right?

What's your sign? We could relate
And maybe later I'll guess your weight
I'm drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
Sun in Pisces, moon in Venus
What's that rising? Whoops, my penis
I'm drawn to you. Won't you tell me your name?

And like a moth to a flame
I'm burning with a white hot desire.
Ah, but if our stars are aligned, everything will be fine
We could wine and dine and then intertwine.
So show me yours. I'll show you mine
Hey, baby. What's your sign?