Across this great land of ours, day and night, great big, hulking, hairy, smelly men are endlessly
toiling to satisfy the Canadian public's insatiable demand for smut.
Lambert and James, Bowser and Blue, Finnegan, Free Beer, Men Without Hair, Alan George, Mark
LaBelle - the list grows longer daily, and this song is respectfully dedicated to the founding
fathers of the smutty community in Canada, the biggest and hairiest of them all, McLean and McLean.

We're big and we're hairy and we look kinda scary
And we walk in and say: "howdy-do"
So line them up, bartender, 'cause we're going on a bender
That won't finish till 2022.

It began on a Monday, somewhere near the Bay of Funday
Where my brother went to see the undertow.
I said: "rather you than me, the tide will suck you out to sea!"
He said: "buddy, what a way to go!"

We're big and we're hairy and we look kinda scary
And we're sweet and we're cuddly and we're kind.
And we sing and make a hoo-ha till we're tits up in the rhubarb
Thank God for the hop and the vine.

When you're out in the boonies, you'll find a filthy tune is
The perfect song for every time and place.
No more toora-loora-li-ay, it's an F-U-C-K-Y-A
That's sure to put a smile upon your face.

We've never been cherubic, our songs are always pubic
Our show contains a hundred thousand fucks.
Yes, we're vulgar Anglo-Saxons, we leave disco to the Jackson's
Our songs are bad but disco sucks.

We're big and we're hairy and we look kinda scary
And we walk in and sing a dirty song.
Yes, we're men with a mission, it's an honourable tradition
Twenty years of smut and still going strong.

When we ventured across this land, some people couldn't understand
They said the way that we talk is kinda strange.
So I fuckin' said that's too fuckin' bad, but ever fuckin' since I was a fuckin' lad,
I fuckin' talked this fuckin' when I ain't gonna fuckin' change.

We're big and we're hairy and the law will try to scare ye,
Imbued with a prudish certitude.
And that's when we drop our anchors and close ranks against the wankers
We must fight for the right to be rude.

Yes, we're big and we're hairy, I'm Blair - and I'm Gary!
And we sing filthy songs in the bars.
And we sing and we strut and we're proud of our smut,
So take a long hard suck o' my hairy arse

Too many fucks, stop the fuckin' music! No more fucks! I'm sorry, the fucks are under control now.
I am the fuck patrol and there are far too many fucks in this song, I'll have to shut you down.
Too many fucks, that's our job, boy.
There can't be saying too many fucks in front of the McLeans.
That's one fuck too many, I'm telling ya.
Now stop saying fuckin' in front of the McLean's, I don't like it.
Say fuck off and mean it.