How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Like how many folk singers does it take, man?
How many protesting folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many folk until you croak singers does it take, man?
The answer is two. One to change the bulb,
And one to sing about how much better the old bulb was.

Hey man, remember the 60s when joints were what we used to play on?
Now they're what we play in.
I used to do LSD, I was a weirdo, but I did LSD and X-Lax,
because I was a regular weirdo, huh? Wow.

How many Quebecers do it take to change a light bulb?
How many Quebec separatists does it take?
How many independantistes does it take to change a light bulb?
How many peppers in the Paul Sauvé arena does it take?
The answer, my friend, it's going to take 51%,
But first we have to get Manitobans to agree to their change.

And then we have a referendum.
Ah, fuck you English.
I fart in your general direction.
I urinate on your family dog, me.

How many art students does it take to change a light bulb?
Would you mind repeating the question, please?
How many soon-to-be-unemployed art students does it take to change a light bulb?
How many artsy fartsies does it take?
The answer, my friend, is it only takes one,
and if he does it right, he gets a degree at York University.

Hey, man, can I borrow your dictaphone?
Ah, use your finger like everybody else.
You know why you can't use this finger to pick your nose?
Why? Because it's mine.

Hey, how many male chauvinists does it take to change what you call a light bulb?
How many Italians does it take. Are you talking to me?
Hey, how many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb, dear?
How many premature ejaculators does it take?
Hey, the answer is, around my house, that's a woman's job.

Excuse my pig, he's a friend.
Oh, our big words from dickless over here.
The last time he had sex, he had to stand on his head and drop it in.
It'd be easier to shoot pool with a rope.
I'm not gay, he said, half in earnest.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
I think it's time we address this concern.
How many hairy militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
I have a sense of anger, I think we should speak to.
The answer is two, one to change the bulb,
and one to write a book about how the bulb is exploiting the sockets.

I'm sorry, I don't find that funny.
You know, I had a date with a flight attendant once.
All night long, she kept saying,
place this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally.

How many straight waiters in Toronto does it take to change a light bulb?
How many straight Toronto waiters does it take?
Isn't that a contradiction in terms?
How many heterosexual hogtown table hoppers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many fans of The Nylons does it take?
The answer is, never mind how it got in there, doctor, just take it out.

You have to stop going to these parties.
I'm just as God made me.
Me and this guy were in an elevator.
The door opens, some guy says, going down?
Mr. Personality here says, no, we were just talking.

How many punk rockers does it try to change a light bulb?
How many punk rockers does it take?
How many spiky-haired new wavers with purple genitals and leather jackets
with mohawks and safety pins and Dr. Dentons does it take to change a lightbulb?.
The answer is two, one to hold the bulb
and one to kick the fucking chair away.

Oi, the next one who flobs on me
I'll kick his fucking head in.

How many beans are in one can of Heinz?
How many beans are in one can, glass copper?
How many little brown beans are in one can of Heinz?
How many beans are in one can?
Everybody together now!
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
The answer is blowing in the wind.
The answer is blowing in the wind.
He's playing a solo.
Take it, George!
Never took a lesson, ladies and gentlemen, never took a lesson.
This is some kind of a political statement.
No, tell us how you really feel, please.