Hey, Santa Claus
Hey Santa Claus
Words and Music by Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson
Quite often I get to thinking
How as kids we got by
Christmas time at our house
We couldn't even afford a fire.
So we made do with what we had
Back then, when I was young.
Old dad would suck a peppermint
And we'd sit around his tongue.
We couldn't afford no sparkly tinsel
For our Christmas trees.
So we just wheeled granddad in
And made the old fart sneeze.
But things change pretty quick.
I've got kids now of my own
And I watched them open their prezzies
Late last night, when I came home.
And here's what the little buggers were saying.
Hey Santa! Where's my fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter, I came to see you twice.
You worn out geriatric fart - you forgot my fucking bike.
If I had wanted a pair of bloody thongs
I would have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set
You can shove right up your arse
You've stuffed my bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
But it's not just me that's snaky
My sister's ticked off, too
Hey Santa! Hey, where's my fucking pram?
You promised me you'd send me one. Don't you remember who I am?
I'm the little girl that you made sit down on your hand.
Never mind your fucking Ho Ho Ho - where's my fucking pram?
Next time I come to see you
I'm going to punch you in the guts.
I'm going to turn your fucking reindeer loose
And kick Rudolph in the nuts.
You just wait till next year
When you come back to that store.
And me and my kid sister come marching through the door.
We'll tell them, eh?
Hey mums and dads - smell his breath
And check his bloodshot eyes.
And don't listen to him, boys and girls
Because he tells fucking lies.
He's a piss tank and a pervert
He's not even very bright
Because the old fucking wanker -
He forgot my fucking bike
Hey Santa! Hey, where's my fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter, I came to see you twice.
You worn out geriatric fart - you forgot my fucking bike.