You need a designated driver, so you can go home and sleep
- I don’t need a designated driver. I’m not as drunk as thinkle peep.
You’ve had too much alcohol, it’s time for you to switch to water
You can no longer hold your liquor
- liquor? you lick her, you brought her!

I know there’s a breathalyzer somewhere up the road ahead
So I’ll be the designated driver, because I know you’ll be blowin red
- I don’t need a breathalyzer to know I shouldn’t drive any more
I know I need a designated driver, because I’ve seen the handwriting on the floor

Let’s hear it for Designated Drivers
Because without them we’d be sunk
If it wasn’t for a Designated Driver
There couldn’t be a designated drunk

It’s OK to have a few drinks as long as you don’t become a ‘stat’
But you must never drink to excess
- Excess? I’ll drink to that!
Don’t play the breathalyzer game, you know that you can’t win it
The last time you took a blood test - it came back with an olive in it!

Let’s hear it for Designated Drivers
Because without them we’d be sunk
If it wasn’t for a Designated Driver
There couldn’t be a designated drunk

Let’s hear it for Designated Drivers
Because without them we’d be sunk
Next time you be the Designated Driver
And you can be the designated drunk