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Lyrics
The Nine Times I Kissed Her
The first time I kissed her my true love said to me
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the second time I kissed her my true love said to me
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the third time I kissed her my true love said to me
Hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the fourth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the fifth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the sixth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the seventh time I kissed her, my true love said to me
You'd better use a condom. Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon. Here, let me do that for you
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the eighth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
You won't respect me. You're sure this isn't sheepskin?
Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon. Hands off my body
Don't turn off the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the ninth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Oh, yuck!
Oh, sh**t - a used condom
I mean, it's my lucky condom
Don't think of it as a used condom, ladies
Think of it as a blowjob to go!
You can even save it up to the next morning and give her breakfast in bed
I'm just following the good advice that's been handed out by Health and Welfare Canada
Well, yes indeed, advising you to
Slip one on before you slip one in
Cover your sump before you hump!
Shroud your spout before you go out!
When you go into heat, package your meat!
Don't just rip off her pants and blouse - first, dress up your trouser mouse!
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong!
If it ain't got a jacket, go home and whack it!
Words to live by!
Well, you know, I followed all the advice. I went there
I went down to the pharmacy and I wanted to purchase a condom
I thought I'd be clever. I said, "what are those new condoms for ladies?"
Pantyhose!
Pantyhose have been acting as a condom for ladies for many years
You noticed that too, eh?
I thought her toes curled over because she liked me. I was in a hurry!
I ended up going to one of those machines, you know
Those machines, the wee machine in the men's room
That's so tacky
They've always scribbled on them, things like "worst I've ever chewed!"
My favourite is "insert baby for a full refund!"
And if you don't know what to do with your used condom full of jism
All you have to do is throw it into a corner of the room, each and every time you make use of one of these little prophylactic devices
At the end of the year, you'll have quite a collection, if you're lucky. You may as well count them up and see how you did. If you have 365, you can melt them into a tire ...
That was a Goodyear
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the second time I kissed her my true love said to me
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the third time I kissed her my true love said to me
Hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the fourth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the fifth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the sixth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon, hands off my body
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the seventh time I kissed her, my true love said to me
You'd better use a condom. Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon. Here, let me do that for you
Don't turn out the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the eighth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
You won't respect me. You're sure this isn't sheepskin?
Not till we're married
Five minutes more
They'll be coming home soon. Hands off my body
Don't turn off the lights, and
What kind of girl do you think I am?
And the ninth time I kissed her, my true love said to me
Oh, yuck!
Oh, sh**t - a used condom
I mean, it's my lucky condom
Don't think of it as a used condom, ladies
Think of it as a blowjob to go!
You can even save it up to the next morning and give her breakfast in bed
I'm just following the good advice that's been handed out by Health and Welfare Canada
Well, yes indeed, advising you to
Slip one on before you slip one in
Cover your sump before you hump!
Shroud your spout before you go out!
When you go into heat, package your meat!
Don't just rip off her pants and blouse - first, dress up your trouser mouse!
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong!
If it ain't got a jacket, go home and whack it!
Words to live by!
Well, you know, I followed all the advice. I went there
I went down to the pharmacy and I wanted to purchase a condom
I thought I'd be clever. I said, "what are those new condoms for ladies?"
Pantyhose!
Pantyhose have been acting as a condom for ladies for many years
You noticed that too, eh?
I thought her toes curled over because she liked me. I was in a hurry!
I ended up going to one of those machines, you know
Those machines, the wee machine in the men's room
That's so tacky
They've always scribbled on them, things like "worst I've ever chewed!"
My favourite is "insert baby for a full refund!"
And if you don't know what to do with your used condom full of jism
All you have to do is throw it into a corner of the room, each and every time you make use of one of these little prophylactic devices
At the end of the year, you'll have quite a collection, if you're lucky. You may as well count them up and see how you did. If you have 365, you can melt them into a tire ...
That was a Goodyear