I'd like to now take you to Ottawa and take you magically to a scrum. You know what a scrum is? That's when the MPs exit the house. They're surrounded by journalists. It's known as a scrum. In fact, the MPs refer to the journalists as "the scrum of the earth."

Mr. Chretien, Mr. Chretien, Mr. Chretien. National post sir.
Somebody else. I don't want to talk to that guy
Why are you still angry at Conrad Black? Because he sued you because you wouldn't let him become a peer?
Well, you know, he wanted to have a tittle
Title
Well, I don't think that the Canadian people need to be titillated. So I told him that, you know
Sir, it's about heredity.
You can't talk to me about heredity, you know, it runs in my family. In fact, the other day I looked up my family tree, and some of my family are still in it.
And another question. Sir, let me ask you about the summit of the Americas. You hosted it in Quebec City where you met the new president, President Bush. How did that go, sir?
Well, you know, it was fun, but you know - he's a nice guy, but he don't know much about Canada.
He doesn't know much about Canada?
No, he thinks that the planes of Abraham is an airline
Sir, recently you got into trouble out west because you suggested that Albertans should share their wealth with the rest of Canada
Well, they have to be able to take a joke. I always make some joke... in Alberta they think a carpool is something you put in your SUV. And, I met a kid in Alberta, he was so rich that his piggy bank had two vice president. And Ralph Klein, when he sit on Santa's knee, he asks Santa what he wants. So, so nobody laughed then either. So it was tough.
So, sir, you are I guess on the wrong side of Westerners? Do you think that perhaps that's reason why Joe Clark attacks you all the time? He is from out west. Do you think he has a grudge, sir?
I think he has a two-car grudge, but that's not my grudge.
Sir, I'm referring to Shawini-gate where we found out that you're still active in your riding even though you're the Prime Minister, Sir. Shawini-gate, sir?
What do you have? There's no conflict and nobody is interested in that and you know when you talk to me about my riding, I think seriously, that's my job. I represent the people of Shawinigan and they represent to me that I represent them and they're like me, and so that I take that as my job and that's my job and I do my job and the people of Shawinigan, we help each other. In fact, we have no village idiot. We have to take turns.
A question sir, let's talk about let's talk about your last election. You know Lucien Bouchard's resignation for instance - your election was considered a factor.
I never touch it.
And during the campaign, sir, of course the Bloc Quebecois accused you of exploiting the passing of Pierre Elliott Trudeau for your own advantage. What do you say? What do you say to the Bloc?
Why do they say those things about me? You know that the Bloc Quebecois, they say that I exploit Pierre. Trudeau is dead, but his ideas live on. But with the Bloc - it's the other way around. Their ideas are dead, but they live on.
Sir, what do you think of the troubles of the Canadian Alliance party and their leader, Stockwell Day?
Ah, you know Stockwell Day. I always said that he's too far to the right. And then he wore that wetsuit and you could see that he's too far to the right. And you know for me, that's why he has some trouble to control his caucus. Okay, so 'allo!
So sir, do you think that perhaps one day that that Joe Clark could be Prime Minister?
Well, you know anything can happen, but for me Prime Minister is not a Joe job. If I could say that, you know, it seemed to me that leader of the opposition is not a Day job, either. Allo!
Sir, I know you've been successful with the third term, but rumors persist. Are you going to retire?
No way I'm not gonna retire.
You're 67 years old
Yes, but that's only 42, US. You have to put some things in perspective
So sir, before you go, are there any thoughts you'd like to leave us with?
Well, you know, I have some poem. I write some poems sometime for myself. I sit and something pass through my mind
So you have a poem sir. Can you just leave us with that poem?
I will read the poem that I wrote today.
I hope you have a pay raise. It's good for your health
So if you need a pay raise, just give one to yourself
I'll vote myself a pay raise, that's democracy
Everyone should have a pay raise - Happy birthday to me

Your prime minister ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jean Chretien